The Addict

Stone cold, like a soldier I wait all day For the sun to shine
But I know it’s the rain That makes me happy

Yeah how hard it’s comin’ down thunder's rolling, load the dice
I’m up for one more round

Can I make it right this time I need to mean it I need to be alright

I wanna remember The memories we never made I want to believe
We didn’t know the drill, now

Set me up, baby I’m falling down
I’ll spend it on me This time

I know I’ll hear the warning, I’ll have myself to blame
For losing the game

I wanna remember The memories we never made I want to believe
We didn’t know the drill, now

Set me up, baby

I’m falling down

Pesky patience

Today appears to be about order and chaos.  I'm in the stream flowing between these two forces of nature.  Peaceful, calm.  Resting.  Eventually, but without regularity or warning, that which I need will and come to this place for will drop from one phase or the other and slip into the stream with me.  My purpose is two fold: patience and scarring.  Each time I strip another layer of myself in order to interact with john q public on these ever more intimate levels demanded of me by my profession - it sears my outer shell and toughens my shield at the same time making it thinner, warping it.  Before long it may be as in times before, when I could lay my belly bare to the world and trust that a wolf was hovering nearby, out of site, and ready to defend my soft sensitive parts from the scavengers.  Because in those times it was not that I could really see my visions or know my destiny, it was because I gave so much of me to a notion that he would save me from myself, so scavengers? nah, they were small time...now they are the bane of my existence.

What's NEXT?

Maybe you don't, maybe you do, but I hate living my life in neutral.  Forces of nature are pushing this way and that, we act occasionally but mostly we react.  We rearrange, reiterate, readjust.  Remember.  Occasionally we run into someone with whom we had something in common - oh, years and years ago - and we marvel how far and how fast they have come into their own.  Like somehow they are more real than you because they are seemingly more successful or more famous.  We wonder why now we are so far apart on the spectrum of opinion and lifestyle, when we seemed to be so alike as young ones.  Now as grown-ups, life doesn't taste as sweet unless we create it ourselves.  We have to make choices, find time between reactions to make the next move, carve the next groove.  In a moment, a split second, we work our wills for better or worse, we make our mistakes, we loose everything and gain more than we ever thought possible.  Such drama.  "BE HERE NOW" and but most people can't.  The next thing is already forcing them on to the next breath.  They can't just stay in the moment.  Most people can't live like that.  So we marvel at the people who can't stay inside the lines.  Good for them.